Instead of talking about the virus going around, let’s talk small boobs, shall we?
This post and picture are NOT in my comfort zone, like clean and conscious eating are… but I think this is an important message and story to share as so many women (and men too!) suffer from body image issues.
I have lived most of my life wishing I had another body. A body with bigger boobs, a smaller nose, a more symmetrical face… you know, I dreamed of metamorphosing into one of the models and movie stars that I glorified and compared myself to daily. Every ounce of information I received growing up reinforced how imperfect I was. I remember reading Style and Teen Magazine in high school and every time I put it down, I’d feel sick. I needed to work out, diet, and buy new clothes.
Born with small breasts, I was always stuffing my bras, as young as I could remember. I would buy them with as much padding as possible. One time a guy I was dating even told me that I was “false advertising”. It was devastating at the time, but now I think it’s kinda funny because it was the truth.
Jump to 2002, my insecurity was heightened when I moved to Scottsdale, AZ. I was overwhelmed at how many perfect looking women, and breasts, there were! This was the land of perfect women. Tight butts, big boobs, perfect noses, and flat abs.
I saved and saved for my boob job, and my path to accepting myself AND being more accepted and lusted after by men. My boyfriend at the time said he’d even help me pay for it. Boom. I was on my way to double C breasts and HAPPINESS!! I knew right when I had that boob job, I’d be happy. Finally. I couldn’t wait.
The time came when I went into the plastic surgeons office and got to see “future” pictures of Becky with bigger boobs and a symmetrical nose. Wow, I looked AMAZING! I couldn’t wait. My path to happiness was manifesting. The surgeon was ready to schedule my surgeries and when I went to make the appointment and put down the deposit and I got literally sick. My stomach was tied up in knots and I felt SO nauseas. So much so, that I said I needed a little more time and I’d be in touch when I was ready. They were annoyed… which left me feeling super annoyed! I left the office feeling confused and defeated.
I took a couple weeks to really think about what I was planning to do. Then a miracle happened. It was New Years Eve of 2009, just a little over a month before my 30th birthday. I had huge plans and was potentially going to meet the love of my life. but plans changed last minute and I ended up having nowhere to go, yes I was all dressed up.
Feeling a bummed to be spending this holiday alone, I began to numb, poured myself a glass of wine and scrolled Facebook. A couple scrolls down I ended up seeing a quote by I think Louise Hay. It said “You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
It was like a light went off. I had been hating my body and wishing it was different since I could remember. It was my epiphany.
Now, I had been in a place of self-discovery and improvement for quite some time, reading countless spiritual and self-help books, so when I read this quote I was in a place to truly receive it. That night, I turned off all devices, I drank a bottle of red wine, smoked a joint, and danced to Bob Marley until 2am in the morning. I saged my little condo, lit candles, and did a “burning”. I intentionally identified all the self-limiting beliefs that I held onto and burned the shit out of them. It was an awakening… maybe a little intoxicated awakening, but it stuck and I decided from this point on that I would work on truly loving myself unconditionally. I was going to stop subscribing to what I thought other people thought of me and instead choose me.
I looked in the mirror and into my own eyes and apologized. I promised myself that I would do everything in my power to be who I was supposed to be… From that point on I’d loved myself. I’d adore every part of me, no matter what my culture, workplace, or society told me.
Over the next few months, my life changed. I met my husband (I set intentions on meeting my future soulmate that night too) and my body began to change. I started my journey into nourishing and really taking care of this body my soul lives in. Rather than hating it, I chose to love it. It was TRANSFORMATIONAL!
I threw out all my padded and stuffed bras and just began to embrace the shape and body that God gave me. I loved the way I could use clothes in a way that accentuated the way I was, rather than the way I wish I could be.
The last 11 years has been the most amazing journey… I’m not sure if this “waking up” always comes with age, but I’m just so grateful that I finally woke up to my truth. I’ve also learned how vital it is that we teach our children the beautiful and unique power within them.
If I could go back and meet myself in high school, I’d sit young Becky down and tell her all the things that make her unique and a gift to this world. I’d tell her that other’s opinions about her don’t fucking matter and that she is the master of her life and of her reality. I’d tell her that one day she’s going to LOVE her body just the way it is and she’s going to help other women do the same thing.
I truly believe that our body responds and reacts to our thoughts. When we shift them towards love, gratitude, and appreciation for this soul-home, it shifts with us and loves us back. I’m walking proof of this.
If you are reading this, thank you. Thank you for being here and taking in my story. I love having a platform to share my heart. I pray that you will love you, exactly the way you are. You are so perfect. Now go live it.
With love and gratitude, Becky
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